cold nostalgia chills me to the bone

On the road right now, going to Ocean City. hopefully some sun will help bring up my mood. none of my friends were able to go with me this weekend :(
there's a chance it'll be raining most of the weekend though. So I'll be able to sit out on the beach alone, maybe play my acoustic under an umbrella.
There's lots of accidents out here today. I often think about getting in a car crash. I wonder if I'll live, if I'll be crippled, or decapitated. Maybe the person who crashes into us will be drunk, or maybe sober and just really tired. All I'll hear is a gasp, cussing, then breaks. I won't hear the crash. Then, I'll hear nothing. I'll open my eyes and see blood and broken glass everywhere. I'm too sore to cry. In the other car, the man's head hangs over, and he cries. He cries, "It was only one drink..." or, "I knew it was too late to be driving, I kept dozing off..." When the police and paramedics come, I'm the first one to be pulled out of the twisted heap of steel.
I'm getting too into detail with this. It just shows how bad my anxiety is, and how crazy my imagination can get.
Write more later today.

claustrophobia;;

My friend was talking about how she would never be able to go on a cruise; "It'd be fun the first day, but by the second day, I would realize that I can't get off the ship."
Holy shit, she's right.
After she said that, I started thinking about how scary it really would seem. And then I compared it to the world. I had a major break down in bed.
I just started hyperventilating, and realized I'm stuck;
"I'm stuck on this planet."
There's whole other universes out there, an endless amount of other worlds, and I'm stuck on this one.
I started crying, and whispering "I want to get off," but nothing happened.
No one was listening. No one ever listens.

I think I'm gonna start drawing again. My school has this exhibit right at the front doors, and there is GORGEOUS drawing of a really attractive asian girl, with sexy hair and a sexy lip ring to match. It inspired me to try drawing again.

In my past therapy sessions, Dr. A kind of turned writing and drawing into a chore. "You can use it as a coping method! Draw when you feel lonela! Write a story when you feel suicidal!" Blech. Or, maybe it's just the lack of interest in most things now.

I'm chewing on my fake nails.

So, as of today (or whenever I made Absense of Colors.), I realized you can have more than one blog on your account! I feel so dumb, haha. Oh well.

Basically, the contrast from this blog to Legilimens is that this is solely what's going on in my head. All of the mental problems I have, all of the struggles I face every day, I get to share it with you! :)

Well, I can't wait to start sharing all this stuff with you, haha, but I have run out of time. (Yes, it took me so long just to type this little post. Shows how ADD I really am, haha.) I'll post an actual, meaningful blog probably within the next 2 days or so. Until then!